I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
