Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
