dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
