I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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