Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
