Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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