We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
