so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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