Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
