Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
