dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
