It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
