Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
