so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize