He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
