New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
