none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
