he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
