i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
