I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
