so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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