I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
