dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They took my balls.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
