if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
