It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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