I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
there is glitter all over my balls
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize