Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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