Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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