Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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