will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize