I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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