I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
