Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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