Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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