you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
