you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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