There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
