i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
