I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize