Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
