we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize