went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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