You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
