There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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