I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
