ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I want her autograph on my taint
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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