I think im going to throw up on grandma
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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