I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
