before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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