She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize