Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
