That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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