U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
