Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
