did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
