Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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