Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Randomize