Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
