wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
