Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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