he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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