HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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