The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
