Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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