Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
