I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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