I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
