This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm having to shit out rocks
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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