she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
