sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
